taking it back

I had my first joyful run today in many a day. I ran in Gardiner ManorPark, a place I used to go with my husband when he was my boyfriend.  We made love in November there with our coats on as teenagers because  we lived with our parents. We would walk together in that park for over 20 years.  So, in coming back to LI, I am reminded of earlier loss as well as more recent loss…

My first 20 minutes included a monologue to myself about not HAVING to do the Marine Corps Marathon Ian and I had signed up for..it would be so much harder now that I am alone.  I did run with my friend Gia on Friday, but it was more of a trot since she was speed walking beside me, and we had alot of conversation to catch up on. But then something broke through in me, supported by the intricate trails I took with bare trees just on the verge of exploding with new life, and then all the way to the Great South Bay to see the water birds all mixing together, where I ran on what I would describe as ‘mud-sand’ and broken roots which challenged and delighted me for some reason.  I ran to the dock pictured, and almost climbed out on the ledge to sit on it, in its road to nowhere and everywhere possibility… but chickened out.  Twin puppies ran beside me for awhile, their owners trying and trying to get them back, and I felt so happy to be running and I did it for about an hour and ten minutes.  Endorphins still flowing.  I feel closer to God when I find this kind of flow.  I missed church, but I marveled in His creation this Sunday.

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