paths

I ran/walked  the Joe Michael Mile (4.8 miles) last night as the sun set.  In the beginning it was more run, towards the end it was more walk. Jet lag and an upper respiratory infection have slowed everything–my pace, my frequency in getting out, but I am so grateful I ran, because I saw immediately how being out there changed me, lightened me, even though it was hard going.  My mood stayed ebullient but then I was up all night and in an evil mood by say, I don’t know, 3 in the morning.

I almost got baptized at Christ Tabernacle the night before, but my heart and soul felt too angry and conflicted.  I wanted it to be a beautiful experience but could not be sure it would be authentic.  I love the church, but do I believe in the path it sets out?  My therapist says I need to start my own religion.  I expected the classes that I was taking would help me with the answers, but it has led me to more questions.  Although the decision was painful, the fact that I made it felt really good, as if I had a transformative experience in refusing to go along with the plan…I almost wanted to call people up and say “Hey, I was supposed to get baptized today, and I knew in my heart it wasn’t right yet, and so I didn’t!! You should try it!”  Prostelyzing on not joining..